A starter for ten! I would like to offer you Ten Tips For Anger Management that you can try today.
I understand that you may be skeptical. That is natural because anger episodes can be intense and make it feel like there is no solution. You may be thinking that Ten Tips For Anger Management may sound too good to be true.
If it helps think of these as “tips for a healthy life” and do them even if you don’t get immediate results. Believe me it won’t be long before these simple things will improve your life.
So without further ado, here is my Ten Tips For Anger Management:
1. Breath Slowly How long could you last without another breath? Not very long at all! Sorry to be morbid, but I wanted to illustrate a point: Why do we take this essential function for granted and never give it a second thought?
Learning to breath deeply can be welcome relief for a lot of anger, stress and fear issues. It’s not that you have to breathe deeply all of the time. Short deep breathing sessions once or twice a day can be a big help.
For a massive distress experience, sit or lie down somewhere comfortable. Breath in slowly, and allow the air to fill your lungs from the top at the chest all the way to the bottom around the navel area. Don’t be afraid to allow those lungs to fill, and it’s a good sign if your stomach comes out!
Once you are full of air, hold it for a second, and then slowly breath it all out. S..L..O..W..L..Y… is the key. We generally breath a lot faster and shallower than we need to.
Have you ever tried Yoga? If you are keen on improving your breathing try a local Yoga class. Yoga classes vary in style and many cater for beginners who may not be flexible or fit yet. In Yoga the breath is King.
Hope you enjoyed this first of my Ten Tips For Anger Management! Read on for the other nine of my Ten Tips For Anger Management
2. Get out of the situation Now this must sound like a cop-out. You are angry, having an argument with another person, perhaps your husband, wife, partner, friend, boss, mum, sister or colleague. Surely walking away won’t solve the problem?
Well it might help in the short term. If the anger is cycling around. For example one of you is getting angry, saying hurtful things, making the other one angry who then says hurtful things, the situation soon spirals out of control. Common sense, diplomacy, care and love evaporate for that moment.
Walking away can be very helpful. It allows both parties to reflect and get into a state of mind where resolution can be found. It could take some time, minutes, hours or even a few days (depending on the person and the relationship). But if you give it enough time, when you reunite the situation should be a lot easier to handle.
The issues that triggered the anger may still be there under the surface. Things may still need to be dealt with. And now that you are both calm you have the maximum chance or sorting out the situation.
Obviously you should judge when walking away is appropriate. It may not be for all situations. For example you may be driving together down a dark country lane, or in a pressurized job like a chef, so in some cases look for a way you can semi-get out. Often simply agreeing not to say anything for a few minutes can help.
Add “Walking Away” to your arsenal of anger-busting solutions and it could save you from regretful action again and again.
Hope you enjoyed this second of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!
3. Avoid the trigger his is one step ahead of “getting out of the situation”. If you can figure out what triggers an angry episode for you, then you can structure your life so as to avoid it.
For example being in a traffic jam when you are late for work might make you feel angry. So how do you avoid the traffic? Well maybe you can’t… but if you leave earlier it may not make you late for work anymore. And a longer term view might see you working nearer where you live, or living nearer where you work, or seeing if you can work from home 1 day a week.
See if you can find one trigger than makes you angry, and one step you can take to reduce the likelihood of it happening.
Hope you enjoyed this third of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!
4. Change perspectives Most episodes of anger are directed at a person rather than an object. What is more likely to cause a person to get angry. (a) slipping on a slippery pavement, or (b) being pushed over by a stranger on the pavement?
Well I’d say probably being pushed… even though the result is the same. Because there is someone to blame, anger is more likely to result. And whilst this may seem like a silly example, there is a lot you can take from it in terms of controlling anger.
If someone else does something we think is unjust, i.e. is against our beliefs and principles, then this could cause us to get angry with that person. We may or may not express it verbally, but the feeling can be there inside of us.
A change in perspective could be to challenge our own beliefs and values. E.g. if someone randomly pushes me over in the street then he must have some kind of mental or emotional problem. And he probably can’t help it. In fact I should feel sorry for him, as he has to live with that, and I merely have a bruise that will heal. In fact it would be more annoying if I slipped over, as that would be my own fault! So hey-ho I will carry on with my day as best I can.
If this seems a bit of a stretch, a bit to hard to do, a bit weird perhaps then yes it kind of is. Think of it like this though – who is harmed when we get angry feelings? It is likely to be the person who is getting angry. And by choosing not to get angry you can make better decisions about how to deal with it. And avoid making the wrong decision. E.g. in this case that wrong decision could be throwing a punch.
Hope you enjoyed this forth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!
5. Exercise Aerobic Exercise, such as running, cycling, swimming and rowing causes your body to release chemicals known as endorphins, which give you a feeling of a high. This is often known as “runners high”. If you enjoy team sports like football, rugby, hockey or basketball, or competitive sports like tennis or squash you can also get this high.
There are a number of benefits to the exercise. As well as the instant high, the exercise can be a good “release” for the anger and a good escape (see earlier on this page 2. Get out of the situation) above. Also being fitter should give you a more positive feeling about life and more energy which will help. Exercise wont solve an anger issue but it can aid other methods of anger management by giving you a positive boost.
Hope you enjoyed this fifth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!
6. Take it out on the pillow This one is simple. You feel angry. Get a pillow. Punch it. And Again. And Again. Harder! Harder!
Now you feel better. It gives you a chance to express it and get the feelings out of your system.
However be careful with this one, as for some people it may stoke the anger even further. Try to judge if the pillow exercise is helping you by writing down on a scale of one to ten how angry you feel before and after the exercise.
Hope you enjoyed this sixth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!
7. Smile Smiling is usual reactive – we see an old friend or a cute baby and it makes us smile. But smiling can also be proactive. We can smile when there is nothing particular to smile about, just because it makes us feel good. And the good feeling reinforces the smile, in a lovely cycle. A smile can help you change your mood, even if only for an instant, and can be useful when you are feeling perhaps slightly irritated. It’s a way to nip it in the bud before you become angry.
Again I recommend you deal with the problem that made you irritated. Think about if it was reasonable to feel like that, or if you feel in hindsight that actually it was silly to get annoyed about something so trivial. Try to think how other people you know may react to that same situation. I mention this because the smile isn’t meant to be a way to avoid tricky feelings – they must be acknowledged. It is a way to change your mood for the better so a little niggle is less likely to ruin your day.
Hope you enjoyed this seventh of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!
8. Be flexible This tip is about trying to be a bit more flexible in your thinking and beliefs. This could mean simply changing your perspective as mentioned earlier. Or looking into alternative ways of thinking. Reading books about Buddhism and Law Of Attraction may help with this. You can get some inspiration and wisdom from these areas even if you don’t adopt the entire doctrine.
Being flexible can also mean simple being more willing to go with the flow, saying yes, accepting the current situation and knowing it is enough to do your best. There is a lot that is beyond our control so there is no use in getting angry with many things and people in life.
Hope you enjoyed this eighth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!
9. Write it down Writing things down can have a brilliant mental effect. Writing lists can help us remember. And writing your feelings about something can help you come to terms with those feelings. It is a way to let out your anger without confronting the person or object you are angry at. And by doing so start the process of forgiving or coming to terms with the situation.
You can write it down using pen and paper, or perhaps on a computer. You can choose to keep what you have written, or to shred it, burn it or delete it (OK granted it will be less ceremonious on a computer).
Hope you enjoyed this ninth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!
10. Love Here “Love” refers to a common love for all people and things. A deep spiritual love, rather than a romantic attachment. Practice this “Love”, a feeling of truly adoring and respecting the world around you, and you may find angry feeling subsiding. Like it is impossible to be grumpy when you are dancing, it is not possible to be angry when you are feeling love. Even if the feeling is only fleeting give it a go. This one can take a lot of practice if you are not used to it or if you are skeptical. Again if you are skeptical give it a go, keep an open mind, and don’t expect any kind of “result”. If you feel good it’s a bonus (and you will probably feel good)